the miu miu campaign that made me believe in gatekeeping (and other ramblings)

the great model fatigue, why it's 'haim girl' summer, and how leaked film looks are spoiling all the fun.

Ozzy Osbourne is dead.

Emma Stone has a new face.

And Kylie Jenner might just be the worst possible choice for Miu Miu’s latest campaign.

Needless to say, the people are not happy. But we must “keep calm and carry on.”

If you’re having a tough time this week, here’s a mythologically accurate representation of my journey to 900 subscribers to make you feel better about your own problems.

I just don’t think it’s in the cards for me, guys. This is all an elaborate prank to get me to 899 Substack subscribers (painstakingly) and then have me teeter on the edge for the rest of my life. This is my reality. This is my hell.

All jokes still present (yet mildly pushed to the side), I know the ebbs/flows of growth are a part of the long game. But it doesn’t make me want to bang my head against a hard surface any less when a subscriber gained is another lost.

*Cue ‘1 step forward, 3 steps back’ by Olivia Rodrigo*

I just want to shake every person who deliberately hits the unsubscribe button and politely scream:

Pearl gets it.

But you know what? Not everyone is going to like you. Even people who thought they might like you could change their mind…and that’s okay. And YOU (dear reader) are still here. And that’s all that matters.

Note: If you’re reading this & somehow noticed I do have over 900 subscribers now, just know that 1. I’m a slow writer and 2. I deserve this.

This is going to be a highly unfocused newsletter filled with gibberish ramblings, fashion talk, and retail findings. The last few letters have been fixated on a central theme, but as a woman with an always-racing mind, I have “stuff” to yell into the ether. Let’s get #unpolished.

The Tragedy of Kylie x Miu Miu

“If the most popular brand on earth can’t escape casting a Jenner or Kardashian to help it achieve its ever-growing visibility goals, what chance does the rest of the industry have?”—

Alyssa Vingan

The Fall 2025 campaign heard round the world.

Miu Miu, typically thought of as a brand with a particular “image” to uphold released photos of their latest campaign, and it was…uninspiring (to say the least). Not only is Kylie Jenner the antithesis of what we’ve come to know as a classic “Miu Miu girl,” but the photos themselves lack any essence whatsoever. A double whammy, if you will.

[See: The Kylie Jenner Miu Miu Campaign is a Huge Bummer by Alyssa Vingan for a deeper dive into why Kylie is NOT a Miu Miu girl.]

But this is all a part of a larger issue within the industry. We’re deep in the era of the great model fatigue.

Flipping through the pages of Vogue, I can unfortunately name every single person, in every single ad. The models no longer serve for creative value. And you know what? The models aren’t even models. They are actors, singers, influencers, etc.—they are anyone with a recognizable face.

They simply exist for clout. Fashion campaigns are now just a “who’s who.” It completely eliminates the idealism I used to associate with seeing a striking unknown in a Gucci campaign and thinking, “I want to be her.” Less muses, more marketing metrics. The allure is gone.

Seeing a celebrity (for the most part) slotted into the world of the advert feels empty. It’s a copy/paste rather than feeling like they live within the brand.

Some brands know who organically fits into their world (and that’s great), but the Kylie x Miu Miu example is a slip up that completely undoes all the progress Miu Miu has made working with the #right influencers and brand ambassadors for years.

Whoever is Styling the Haim Sisters…Please Step Forward & Collect Your Raise

My summer style icons are the Haim sisters.

Este, Danielle, and Alana are visually crushing every single appearance, live performance, music video, and photoshoot.

Sheer pieces. Bright color blocking. Nonchalant layering. Half-naked but classy. Their outfits are cohesive but never matching. Complimentary, but never reliant on one another. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts, but the parts are indeed…QUITE GREAT.

I’m not sure who their full time stylist is (or if they have one), but Tess Herbert did their recent Interview Mag shoot, Erin Benach styled their Relationships music video, and Hamish Wergman was responsible for the All over me music video. Which leads me to believe that the sisters themselves are the driving force behind recent looks, because even with multiple stylists, everything has the same “je ne sais quoi.” And unless they are lying in their Fashion Neurosis podcast episode, they have been known to pick out their own outfits!!

Check out these two videos if you want to be transported into a style wonderland.

No Measuring, No Problem. Coach Understands.

My marketing brain is coming out right now—bear with me.

Other than Coach being hot right now (for their clothes + accessories), their user experience is also major. Every bag on their site has a video where they show someone packing the bag with items to show you how much actually fits inside it.

If you’re like me, I don’t want to interrupt my retail doomscrolling to peel myself off the bed to grab my tape measure. No thanks.

But wait, there’s more. If you click the “see bag size” button, it will show you all the things you can fit into it, plus let you adjust a slider to your exact proportions to get an idea of how the bag will look like on you (based on your height + size).

Basically, this is the future of online retail. This is how I want brands to use AI.

I have a big issue with online shopping, partly because I love trying things on/seeing how things look and feel, in person. This seemingly small detail Coach has implemented across their site is a huge deal for people like me. The AI platform they use for this is called Tangiblee—which honestly sounds like a mix of “tangible” and my name and now I can’t unthink it.

Does something like this replace the in-person shopping experience? For me, no. But, it does make me more apt to buy something online when I’m given the information I need in an easy, digestible way. It makes me feel more secure with my buying decision. Even if I do suffer from buyer’s remorse…

---

I did (actually) end up pulling the plug on a pair of Coach Archival Buckle Flat Sandals.

I’ve never owned a buckled sandal, or a brown pair of shoes (for that matter). This is well beyond my comfort zone of dressing, but I like a challenge. I got some guidance from the

Midimalist

group chat on what to wear these with:

• “I like buckle shoes like this with shorts or skirts! I like a bit of skin showing.” —

  Kelly Williams

• “I would look on Pinterest for fisherman style sandal outfit ideas maybe? These feel like a similar vibe but a touch more feminine.” —

  Joslin

• “I have chunky buckle sandals and I wear them with skirts a lot.” —

  Annette Silveira

All great suggestions. I think these definitely fit the “90s mom on vacation” vibe, so I’ll probably style them as such—with long shorts, belt, tucked in top, etc. when I don’t mind looking like I’m “sturdy and on a mission.”

But of course, the Allison Bornstein-ification of shoes comes into play, so naturally, I must experiment with them in ways you could never even imagine (for better or worse).

---

This is what I had in mind, based on the suggestions I got. Something femme and dainty, but with darker accessories.

I also put together a (very rough) mood board for outfit-types to wear with these gorg buckle sandals. You can never go wrong with a little planning!

Let me know if you have a similar shoe and how you style it. I’d love to know!

The Devil Wears…Too Many Outfits That We Don’t Need to See Yet *covers eyes*

Listen, I understand paparazzi shots of actors on the set of a new movie are exciting…but when fashion is to be a main character in the film, it’s a bummer to be spoiled in this way. It takes all the steam out of seeing the style in theaters…while you’re watching the movie. You know, the way God intended!!

This is a personal opinion. I’m still obviously going to look at it. Duh.

We’ve been (unfortunately) unblessed with never-ending photos of The Devil Wears Prada 2. And much like the behind-the-scenes pictures of Ryan Murphy’s show American Love Story, these too are ridiculously underwhelming in the fashion/styling department.

Are we being too nitpicky? Probably. But, the fact is, when all we’re fed (leading up to a film) is an outfit—it’s easy to fixate on everything “incorrect” with it, especially when we aren’t getting ALL the context that watching the actual film will give us. There could be a scene right before this where Andy Sachs is like, “I hate this outfit, but I’m going to wear it anyways, because I’m pressed for time!” Like we do in the real world.

stained glass hathaway

I distinctly remember Barbie releasing behind-the-scene photos of Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling roller skating, which was an example of fashion/film done correctly (because those outfits were awesome), but it still took the wind out of my sails a bit to know it was coming AND feel like I had already seen the scene before my movie-going experience.

---

The all-white Phoebe Philo t-shirt + Nili Lotan pants + Prada shoes look is pretty good. Paired with a vintage Coach briefcase—it’s more chic than the Emily in Paris-esque geometric dress.

i’d wear this.

Retail Corner: What’s Good?

I’m a Gap girl. I’m an Old Navy girl. I needed to see if I could be a Banana Republic girl.

I pulled the plug on my first EVER Banana Republic piece—the Super Soft Soma High-Rise Shorts (they’re on sale). I obviously bought them to go with my new Coach sandals and they are mad comfy. Banana Republic’s price point a higher than Gap’s, so I wanted to see for myself if there was an actual quality difference. I’ll wear them and phone you up in a few years to see if they’re still in tact, but from the feel of these shorts, I’d say they are great quality.

What else? My beloved Old Navy was having a sale, so I couldn’t pass up some basics. These are things I actually bought:

Oversized Button-Down Boyfriend Shirt (Blue) — Stock up on these!! They’ve got them in tons of colors and stripe patterns. 100% cotton. 10/10 recommend.

EveryWear Striped Black + White Hamburglar Shirt — I’m a sucker for black & white stripes, so naturally I had to snag.

catch me this fall

SoSoft Cropped Puff Sleeve Sweater — Ok, I saw this online and thought “wow cute.” Didn’t get it. Fast-forward a week later…I’m in the Old Navy brick-and-mortar store, and it’s staring me in the face. Why not? I try it on. It fits perfectly. It’s just a cute as it is on the model. What are the odds? I buy. The end. I will be living out my ‘Hotel on Boardwalk’ aesthetic dreams.

---

Did not buy (this time), but Old Navy also has super soft cardigans in just about every color. If Michael Rider’s Celine collection made you interested in ‘true green’ again, I would highly suggest adding it to your fall rotation.

I did try it on and it WAS a good fit. Nothing wonky happening, other than the buttons being a little hard to unbutton.

---

Atlanta has some pretty incredible antique malls. As a result, I found this gorgeous 1970s bridesmaid dress in yellow. Did I write an entire newsletter about how I look terrible in yellow? Yes. But this dress was too perfect not to pass up. It’s the ultimate classy, spring wedding guest dress. The lace detailing is gorgeous. The v-shaped draping makes my waist look 3in around. #snatched

And it was only $35.

This is the only picture I took in it —my pose is pretty strange to say the least.

caption...

What’s that in the corner of the photo? A vintage Emilio Pucci I found for $100. Unfortunately, it was too small. But I do have a pair of Pucci tights I thrifted a looong time ago at Goodwill (random!), so I can still live out my #PucciSummer dreams.

I also picked up this vintage 2000s Diesel skirt:

Retail Corner: What’s in My Cart?

Like any woman who enjoys looking at clothes, I occasionally like to add things to my cart with zero intention of checking out. I like to feel the rush of MAYBE (just maybe) ordering something new. The cart naturally expires, and I do it all over again. You get it. Inaction at its finest.

Here are some things my credit card doesn’t want me to pull the plug on, but you totally should. Cool, new, interesting items:

Tory Burch Pierced Slides

It’s simple. It’s elegant. I love the color ways they offer—my favorites being the cobalt blue + blazing red. While they’re out of my budget (for now), I can swoon from afar.

Banana Republic Silky Cotton Mock-Neck Top

I die for a high neck. This gorgeous green mock-neck is a very cool basic. I would 100% wear this with a solid color midi skirt or even a mini with high boots this fall. It’s such an interesting shape. Not your #basic basic.

Mustard Flute Glass Lockers in Red

This isn’t clothes. But I’m kind of a home decor freak, so I’m adding this to the list. I keep seeing these beautiful lockers ALL over my Instagram feed—they are officially on my wishlist. If you live in an apartment like me, you could probably stand to have more storage space. And these sexy little lockers would 100% do the trick…HOT!!

Camper x ISSEY MIYAKE Peu Form Shoes

Did not see this one coming. These delicately draped calfskin leather slip ons are to die for. They strangely remind of if a paper airplane or boat was molded into a shoe.

Also, I’ve been eyeing Camper for other shoe styles as well but they don’t seem to carry a women’s size 8 shoe? Does anyone know why? Every style of shoe just does not have a size 8 listed…I want to be a part of the Camper club!!

crinkle foot

giving boat shoe a whole new meaning—maybe don’t get these wet

Tibi Crispy Green Sleeveless Sweater

Going green! This “upside down” illusionist sweater tank is on sale for $113. I had the pleasure of trying on this top in person at the Tibi store on St. Simons Island. Great fit. Well made. I love a simple top with a twist. The hanging pieces at the bottom really elevate it into something interesting, cheeky, and SO much more than just a simple basic.

this is the end

Thank you for coming to my show!

If you like what ‘it’s critical.’ has to offer this world, please consider:

🔁 Restacking this newsletter or quoting your fav part

📩 Sending this email/newsletter to your BFF

💖 Liking & commenting on Substack

📲 Subscribe for more content like this!