(not your average) spring aesthetics

10 new style personas to make your entire personality this upcoming season

Hello everyone —if you’re reading this, it means I’ve finally double-checked my spelling of aesthetics in the title enough times to feel comfortable publishing.

Is there a word for “fear of typos?”

Anywho, I’m coming at you live with a second edition of… Here Are Some Completely Made-Up Fashion Personas Nobody Asked For. Great name, right? It’s a working title.

I’m perpetually fatigued with the aesthetics of the dreaded algorithm, so I forge my own path.

I’m taking the road less traveled by… and yes, it will make all the difference.

---

If you missed the Winter Edition… luckily here it is!

---

it’s critical. is currently free for everyone to read. It’s a labor of love, and it takes a lot of time to research specific topics… SOOO, if you’re a fan of the newsletter or my silly little opinions, consider supporting for just $5 a month or just $40 a year.

I’ll be introducing more paywall content in 2025, so if you’d like access to those future newsletters, become a paid sub, & join the Critic’s Circle. XOXO

Candy Apple Girl

The apple is, in fact, rotten to the core… and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

We all know the “Cherry Girl” aesthetic—it’s been done, redone, and overplayed for the past six years. But there’s a new fruit in town. Enter: the Apple Girl. She’s layered, nuanced, and just a little bit mysterious.

Apples carry a weight of symbolism—knowledge, temptation, love, and even death (ooooh). The Candy Apple Girl thrives on nostalgia, drawing from the playful black-and-white polka dots and stripes of her youth (often in airy cotton fabrics). But don’t be fooled—she’s not just sweet. Her attitude is sharp, her style is more refined. Her silhouettes? A little sexier, a lot more experimental.

Key Ingredients

• Black & white stripes + polka dot prints

• Lightweight cotton fabrics, mesh, or anything stretchy

• Off-the-shoulder/asymmetrical silhouette

• Apple accessories (or a real apple) for pops of red

• Black or red peep-toe kitten heels or flats

• Ruched or #snatched waist tops with cinching + loose belts or ties

Pasta Primavera Prep

Foodies, you have a new way to make pasta your personality.

Have you ever seen a box of Barilla at the grocery store and thought, “damn, I NEED to look like that?” Who am I kidding? Of course, you have.

Call me the Marco Polo of fashion because I’m (allegedly) introducing pasta to your closet. This one is geared toward those who have a bit of a colder spring (light sweaters, layering like a lasagna for when it gets chilly at night).

Key Ingredients

• Dark blue/navy sweaters or jackets

• Pops of ‘true yellow’ via purses, accents, belts, additional layers

• Pasta-themed accessories (duh) —bonus points if it’s made of REAL pasta

• Light or dark-wash denim

• White cotton shirts for layering (button-ups, cotton tees, or tanks)

• Cool vintage suede sneakers (New Balance, Onitsuka Tiger, etc.)

• A sculpture of yourself made entirely out of fusilli

Real ones know the power of Fusilli Jerry

Sexy Sandler

Leave it to Gen Z to turn Adam Sandler from Hollywood’s worst-dressed to an unexpected fashion icon.

He’s the sartorial equivalent of “he’s saying what we’re all thinking”—and right now, we’re thinking it’s perfectly acceptable to step out in basketball shorts SO comically large, they might as well be capris (which, by the way, are cool again).

Here’s to the king of not giving a single fuck—proof that anti-fashion and pure, unbothered comfort can be pleasing to… someone’s eye. Now, let’s make it sexy!

Key Ingredients

• Dark (blue) oversized basketball shorts (preferably with the classic “sheen)

• White graphic T-shirt (can also be oversized)

• Showing midriff in some way (doesn’t matter how)

• Basketball sneakers from the Adidas/Nike sales rack

• White ankle socks

• Black sunnies

• Effortless aura that says “I did star in Razzie award-winning film Jack and Jill (2011) as both titular characters.”

Jellyfish Fields Forever (Aquamarine Edition)

Drifting into a softer, more traditional spring palette, this aesthetic is all about fluidity—transparent blue layers on layers, sheer tights and underwear peeking through, and silky scarves cascading like sea foam. Fabric flows and drapes, never stiff, always in motion.

It’s girly, but refined. Monochromatic, yet rich in texture. Accessories mimic the bulbous, organic forms of nature—imperfect, unpolished, the antithesis of Elsa Peretti’s smooth, sculpted beans.

Think Chloé Winter 2024, Acne Studios (a season & year I cannot remember)—ethereal, weightless, and just a little untamed.

Key Ingredients

• Baby blue monochromatic layers

• Silky scarves & sheer tights

• Transparent dresses

• Big, organic silver jewelry (arm cuffs & earrings)

• White pieces layered with or underneath

• Pointy or thonged heels

Chocolate-Covered Strawberry

Sexy, but studious, the Chocolate-Covered Strawberry Girl is the perfect mix of high and low. Her fit is made of half-thrifted, well-worn sweaters and half-heirloom-worthy accessories like Gucci boots, a Celine bag, or Miu Miu glasses.

She’s frugal but knows when to splurge—always thinking about the pieces she’ll pass down one day to her Strawberry Shortcake children.

Not quite a horse girl, but she’s definitely lingering at the stables or monitoring the sale of Chloé S/S2001 horse trousers.

Key Ingredients

• Baby pink/bubblegum pink sweaters or sweater tanks

• Long tweed skirts (grey or brown)

• Brown trousers

• Brown leather boots or loafers

• Leather bucket bag or medium-sized vintage IT bag (small Diana or Jackie)

• Long straight hair (as an accessory in & of itself)

• Wireframe glasses (sometimes)

Mercury Rising

A study in contrast—sculptural yet fluid. Silver on silver on silver, where every piece feels like an architectural feat as if Frank Lloyd Wright himself decided to quit his day job to help women everywhere #servehouse.

Either the fabric drapes like mercury or stands still like steel. No in-between! Basically, if Zendaya in Mugler at the Dune premiere was an everyday vibe—this would be IT.

Key Ingredients

• Loose, silver fabrics that still hug the body

• Coiled silver shoes

• Chunky, architectural-style bangles

• Fitted armor-like breastplates & stiff body-hugging dresses

• Long exaggerated purses

• Dark silver gloves & boots

The Wicker Man (Woman)

Was this aesthetic inspired by one of the most formative films of my youth… The Wicker Man (2006)? Maybe. Although there were no bees in the making of THIS collage, feel free to go the extra mile and truly represent.

Key Ingredients

• Off-white linen tops or two-piece sets

• Cropped or oversized button up vests

• Pleated/tailored trousers or shorts (high-waisted)

• Wicker purses, baskets, or bags

• Dark/medium brown leather sandals

• Wicker or crochet flats of any sort

• The feeling you might be in a Nancy Meyers’ movie… or a cult horror.

Sponge Out of Water or Dehydrated Bob

I was going to name this one Chocolate Covered Banana, but it didn’t feel right. All I could picture was pale, dried-out SpongeBob gasping for water—so here we are. Call it what you want, but I’m sticking to my guns.

This aesthetic is silly (like a certain sponge we know) AND professional. She mixes the two effortlessly —blazers, matching sets, pops of prints, and buttery smooth accessories.

Key Ingredients

• Butter yellow dresses or two-piece sets

• Silky smooth satin maxi skirts

• Light, ribbed knits or crepe fabrics

• Brown, structured blazers/jackets

• Loose brown or gold belt

• Gold accessories, chains, shoes

• Pops of leopard print

• Medium-sized, woven leather brown bag

Doily-Core

Giving credit where credit is due —my boyfriend came up with this name for my aesthetic last summer, and it’s been on my mind ever since. It’s almost like you’re in the process of becoming your own handmade Valentine. Proceed to put yourself in a cute little envelope and ship yourself to March 20th (AKA the first day of Spring). Yes, I did have to Google it. Shut up!

Key Ingredients

• Elevated white button-ups (ruffles, exaggerated Peter Pan collars, shoulder pads)

• Cotton, eyelet lace tops or dresses

• Light wash denim (high-waisted or overalls)

• Black belt with silver buckle

• Red ballet flats or Mary Jane heels

• Pops of red accessories (purses, earrings, necklaces)

Roulette Royale

The balloon skirt is still having its moment, SO I wanted to take it to the next level. It’s a silhouette I used to dislike, but now I’ve truly come around to it, as I love the elegance of a drop waist.

Since I’m a certified sucker for black + white + red, consider this my latest obsession. The Roulette Royale Girl loves playing classic card games, but she’s not much of a gambler. She prefers to sip her martini, admire her perfect blowout in the mirror, and strike a pose—for herself, of course.

Key Ingredients

• White balloon skirt (maxi or mini will do)

• Little black tube top or tight fitted tank/vest style that sits right at the waist

• (For chilly nights) Black oversized sweater or jacket

• COLORBLOCKING

• Black loafers, ballet flats or tinier heels

• Little black sleek leather purse (no Chanel flaps)

• Playing card accessories

As always, thanks for humoring me. Let me know which one is your favorite OR send me pics of your inspired pics. Cheers!